Full of Grace: A Special Needs Mother's Teachable Moment

Jake's fate: In the end, don't we all have special needs?

Friday, May 28, 2010

By Renee Georgi

Margaret Scott / Newsart

Renee Georgi recently received an anonymous letter from "concerned parents" asking her to find an alternative classroom setting for her son Jake, who has autism, because he is a "distraction" to other children and requires "extra time" from teachers. Here is the letter and her reply:

•

Dear Ms. Georgi,

I am writing on behalf of a growing group of concerned parents at Hampton High. While we can understand and even sympathize with you wanting your son Jake in a "normal" learning environment, we feel that the extra time he demands, coupled with his distractions, is unfair to the rest of the children. With getting into a good college becoming more and more competitive, we feel that our children are not getting the education they need due to one child taking up an inordinate amount of time and causing distractions.

We feel it would be in the best interest of all the children if you would consider an alternative setting for Jake. In no way are we faulting you for wanting what you think is best for your child; we only wish that you consider the impact on the other children.

Thank you for your time and consideration with this important decision.

•

Dear Concerned Parents,

In your letter, you asked me to "consider an alternative setting" for my son. With all due respect, I think I'll pass and keep my son right where he is.

You see, my son and the many others like him have fought very, very hard to get where they are today. And the reason they are where they are today is because most of society sees the potential that children with special needs have when they are taught in the way that they learn.

Every year our son makes more and more strides and requires fewer supports in school, giving him a greater chance at becoming an independent, productive member of society who can interact with all types of people. In addition to academics, life skills and social skills, he has also been taught specifically how to work through various distractions in the classroom. Since your child seems to be struggling in this area, I recommend speaking with your child's teacher to learn strategies that work for both regular-education and special-education students.

Another recommendation I would like to make is for you to do an Internet search on the word "IDEA" (Individuals with Disabilities Education Act). You see, according to the IDEA's Least Restrictive Environment or mainstreaming policy, school districts are required to educate students with disabilities in regular classrooms with their non-disabled peers, in the school they would attend if not disabled, to the maximum extent appropriate.

It is the law.

I think this might help you understand why schools like Hampton have co-taught classrooms. If you do a bit more research, I think you will also find that IDEA's positive impact has been across the board with both regular-education and special-education students. I firmly believe that the students who take the time to get to know their fellow classmates with special needs will likely end up being the successful leaders and role models in the world who have the skills to interact with all types of people.

Over the years I have had many parents approach me and tell me how much their children have enjoyed getting to know my son and how much the relationship has enriched their children's experiences at school. Parents tell me that the things my son teaches their children simply can not be taught in a text book or by a teacher. They are life lessons.

I attribute this positive mindset on the part of these children to both the guidance they receive at home and to the district's teaching of a civic virtues program to the students over the past several years. Perhaps the program should be made available to parents, as well, since it is apparent that the students are not the only ones who could use a good lesson in virtues such as kindness, respect and tolerance.

In closing, I ask that you address any of your concerns to your children's respective teachers in the future. Like many parents, I have found the staff at Hampton to be most engaging, helpful and willing to assist parents with individual educational concerns such as yours.

Sincerely ...

Renee Georgi is a pre-school teacher and mother who lives in Hampton (renee.georgi@verizon.net).

Read more: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/10148/1061277-109.stm#ixzz0pHJuAC00

Haley Moss: Out of Autism's Closet

She could not talk until almost Kindergarten age, but went on to become a straight-A student at a prestigious private school. Now "out of the closet" with her autism, Haley Moss has written a book to help other teens with autism find their way.

Three cheers for Haley Moss, her parents, and all who helped her along her road! I wish her mother would write a book too -- note her words about people pulling away from them when Haley was diagnosed, and their decision to be "closeted."

"In middle school, everyone just cares that you're like them, and if you're different, you get picked on." --Haley Moss

Teen with autism advises other 'different' kids

By Elizabeth Landau, CNN

April 2, 2010 5:47 a.m. EDT

Haley Moss, 15, loves art and has exhibited paintings in South Florida.

STORY HIGHLIGHTS

• Haley Moss, 15, wrote a guidebook for middle-schoolers with autism
• Understanding nuances of socializing is hard for people with high-functioning autism
• Family feels relieved that Haley's autism is out in the open

(CNN) -- Figuring out what's cool. Struggling for acceptance. Dealing with homework. These are familiar perils of middle school. But Haley Moss did it all while dealing with a hidden challenge: autism.

Now Haley, 15, is using her experience as a person with autism to help others deal with middle school. She wrote and illustrated "Middle School: The Stuff Nobody Tells You About," which details her advice for students.

Autism is a developmental disorder that impedes communication and social interactions, and it often includes repetitive behaviors. Diagnosed in childhood, the condition prevents some people from ever learning how to talk. As many as 1 in every 110 children in the United States has an autism spectrum disorder, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

Haley's case is on the high-functioning side of the autism spectrum. She has always attended regular schools, doesn't have special classes and is a straight-A student at a prestigious private school in South Florida.

"Most people just notice that I'm shy, and that I don't eat a ton of food at school," said Haley, of Parkland, Florida. "Other than that, I come across pretty normal."

Haley has had a long history of working on that shyness. When she received her diagnosis of autism at 3, she couldn't talk yet. She didn't start speaking until 4. Her parents got her private speech therapy as well as hippotherapy, a technique that involves a horse and a speech-language pathologist that has been shown to increase verbal communication in some children.

Children with autism who become high-functioning like Haley typically show great improvement within the first few years of therapy, said Dr. Bob Sears, pediatrician and author of "The Autism Book." By 7 or 8, they will have overcome many of their challenges. Early intervention is critical; treatment should start as soon as possible, he said.

Perhaps the greatest challenge for people with high-functioning autism is understanding the nuances of social interaction, Sears said. Haley relates to this.

"Sarcasm sometimes really confuses me," Haley said. "The jokes that these kids make don't make any sense."

Haley speaks fluidly and articulately. She is well-versed in public speaking, but she still has problems starting conversations. It's easier if people start talking to her first, she said. She has a passion for art and enjoys playing video games, but these are not common interests of girls at her school.

"I don't know what to say to some of my typical peers, because I can't easily launch into discussion about makeup and, like, their boyfriends as easily as they probably could talk about something else with me," she said.

But Haley also believes her autism also helps her in school. She can memorize things faster than most of her classmates, so it doesn't take as much work to study for tests. And her friends rely on her to give advice about social situations that's different from what most people would say, she said.

Being a parent of a child with autism was isolating for Haley's mother, Sherry Moss. She remembers bringing it up with other parents when Haley received her diagnosis. They thought it was contagious.

"They didn't want their kids to play with Haley anymore," she said. "So then, I never told anyone any more."

The family has always informed school administrators about Haley's autism. But they kept the matter private otherwise until Haley developed a following for her artwork as her paintings were displayed at various galleries in South Florida last year.

"Once she started getting well-known, I was like, 'Now's the time Haley, now you have to be the face of autism and let people know what we went through, and give them hope,'" Haley's mother said.

Haley went public in school when her teacher encouraged her to talk about autism in relation to her first art show. She also spoke at an Autism Society of America event last year.

With Haley now open about her autism, the whole family feels relieved, her mother said. Haley also thinks that being "out" in school is easier.

"It helped other people understand why I'm shy. It didn't help socially at all, but it helped those who were somewhat social with me understand why I am the way I am," she said.

Much of Haley's advice in the book applies across the board for anyone in middle school, but she includes anecdotes written from other kids with autism spectrum disorders as well as teacher perspectives. She also tells about her personal experiences from the three schools she attended for sixth, seventh and eighth grade.

Here are some tips from Haley:

1. Seek help if you don't understand something

People with autism spectrum disorders are often detail-oriented and miss the bigger picture, Haley said. Her mother would read English books with her and discuss the themes to help Haley see them more clearly. Haley recommends consulting parents, siblings, teachers and textbooks if you are stuck on something.

2. Learn about trends to talk about them

Haley's approach to popular culture is methodical and detached: learn about the trends to fit in, even if you don't like them. She saw all the "Twilight" movies on opening night even though she doesn't like the franchise much. She can recognize a popular Jonas Brothers song. Being up on the fads helps with socializing and avoiding ridicule, she said.

"In middle school, everyone just cares that you're like them, and if you're different, you get picked on," Haley said. "No one accepts different people."

3. Trust your parents

People with autism spectrum disorders tend to assume that everyone is trustworthy, and that can make them be easily manipulated, Haley writes. She recommends having a good relationship with your parents and entrusting them with your secrets instead of someone at school.

Her parents help her with academic and social problems. Also, she looks to her mother to interpret classmates' comments that she didn't understand, instead of jumping to conclusions.

Her next big project will either be a book about high school or an autism picture book, she said. Visit her Web site

Twas The Night Before Christmas, A Very Special Version

Friends, this was sent to me by a mother of a child with Autism. I think it resonates with special needs mothers regardless of the diagnosis of our children. It was written by Cindy Waeltermann, Director, AutismLink.

May God bless you and your beautiful children this night, Theresa

Twas The Night Before Christmas (In a Special Needs Family's Home) by Cindy Waeltermann, Director, AutismLink

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the house
The creatures were stirring
Yes, even the mouse

We tried melatonin
And gave a hot bath
Asleep early for Christmas?
...an unlikely path

The children were finally
All nestled in bed
When visions of Christmas
Ran through my OWN head

Did I get the right gift?
The right color and style?
Would there be a blank stare
Or even, maybe, a smile?

Friends & family come
But they don't understand
The pleasure he gets
Just from bending his hands.

"Just make him stop it," some say
"Just tell him "no",
You must learn to be tough.."
On, and on they do go...

We smile and nod
Because we know deep inside
The debate is moot
Let them all take a side

We know what it's like
To live with the spectrum
The struggles and triumphs
Achievements, regressions

But what some don't know
And what some don't see
Is the joy that we feel
Over simplicity.

He said "hello"!
He ate something green!
He looked me in my eyes
He did not cause a scene!

He peed on the potty!
Who cares if he's ten;
He stopped saying the same thing
Again and again!"

Some others don't realize
Just how we can cope
How we bravely hang on
At the end of our rope

But what they don't see
Is the joy we can't hide
When our children with autism
Make the tiniest stride

We may look at others
Without the problems we face
With envy, with wonder,
Or even distaste,

What we want them to know
What's important to see
Is that children with autism
Bring simplicity.

We don't get excited
Over expensive things
We jump for joy
With the progress work brings

Children with autism
Try so hard every day
That they make us proud
More than words can say.

They work even harder
Than you or I
To achieve something small
To reach a star in the sky

So to those who don't get it
Or can't get a clue
Take a walk in our shoes
And I'll assure you…

That even 10 minutes
Into the walk
You'll look at us all
With respect, even shock.

You will realize
What it is we go through
And the next time you see us
I can assure you

That you won't say a thing
You'll be quiet and learn,
Like the years I learned too
When the tables were turned."

Author: Cindy Waeltermann, Director, AutismLink

__._,_.___

Stigma, Prejudice, and Segregation: When The Public Tone Turns Ugly Against Persons With Disabilities

There it was again in the paper this morning. The headline about special education students taking away money and resources from "normal" children. Interesting that we never see these same headlines about magnet schools or "gifted and talented" children taking away resources from "normal" children.

More and more I seem to be reading stories about children with disabilities being turned away from communities of all kinds -- including the spiritual. There was a recent story of a boy with autism whose church took out a restraining order against him so he would not be able to attend church services with them. There were stories of children in hospitals and residential facilities being denied their church's sacraments. It is all terribly hurtful and disturbing.

When the public tone towards persons with disabilities becomes ugly or unfair, we must take it to the Lord at once. He will tell us the best way to handle it. He might ask us to step forward and publicly speak out, He might ask us to volunteer to help a family in our community, He might call us in a legal direction, or He may ask us to simply pray and meditate. He can, and will, use the situation for good. He always has a plan. Our job is to listen, and to say yes to what He asks.

With God we can stay in the process, even when we encounter unjust, harsh criticism. With Him we can be strong even when we feel timid. We can be courageous. We can teach. We can be still. We can continue getting the road ready for the families that are coming behind us. For isn't that part of why we are here? Jesus came to show us the way. He left us here to help bring His people along that path.

Below is a wonderful sermon by Charles Swindoll in which I think all parents of children with special needs and illnesses can find strength. Peace and love, Theresa

Criticism
by Charles R. Swindoll

2 Timothy 1:7

Looking for a role model on how to handle criticism? It would be worth your while to check out the book of Nehemiah. On several occasions this great-hearted statesman was openly criticized, falsely accused, and grossly misunderstood. Each time he kept his cool . . . he rolled with the punch . . . he considered the source . . . he refused to get discouraged . . . he went to God in prayer . . . he kept building the wall (Nehemiah 2:19-20; 4:1-5).

One of the occupational hazards of being a leader is receiving criticism (not all of it constructive, by the way). In the face of that kind of heat, there's a strong temptation to "go under," "throw in the towel," "bail out." Many have faded out of leadership because of intense criticism. I firmly believe that the leader who does anything that is different or worthwhile or visionary can count on criticism.

Along this line, I appreciate the remarks made by the fiery president of a past generation, Theodore Roosevelt:

It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena; whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, and comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; who does actually try to do the deed; who knows the great enthusiasm, the great devotion and spends himself in a worthy cause; who, at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly.

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorious triumphs even though checkered by failure, than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much because they live in the gray twilight that knows neither victory nor defeat.

To those words I add a resounding amen.

A sense of humor is of paramount importance to the leader. Many of God's servants are simply too serious! There are at least two tests we face that determine the extent of our sense of humor:

• the ability to laugh at ourselves
• the ability to take criticism

Believe me, no leader can continue effectively if he or she fails these tests! Equally important, of course, is the ability to sift from any criticism that which is true, that which is fact. We are foolish if we respond angrily to every criticism. Who knows, God may be using those words to teach us some essential lessons, painful though they may be.

Isn't this what Proverbs 27:5-6 is saying?

Better is open rebuke
Than love that is concealed.
Faithful are the wounds of a friend,
But deceitful are the kisses of an enemy.

And let me call to your attention the word friend in these verses. Friendship is not threatened but strengthened by honest criticism. But---when you are criticized by one who hardly knows you, filter out what is fact . . . and ignore the rest!

Nehemiah did that . . . and he got the wall built.